Debbie feels that Adam doesn't appreciate her, that he would rather spend time watching sports with his friends than with her. Adam feels that Debbie doesn't understand him or his needs, that she's more concerned with what she wants than what makes him happy.

This may sound familiar - or it may not. But virtually every relationship has challenges. The question is, when things get really bad, can the relationship be saved? Better yet, SHOULD it be saved?

If you are reading this, there's a pretty good chance you have some interest in saving your relationship. How to do it is actually pretty simple. Doing it is another matter. Let's go through the steps.

1. Decide if the relationship is worth saving. With very few exceptions, just about every relationship can be saved. But it takes time, hard work and a commitment on the part of both partners. One can start the process; but in the end, if both people aren't willing to make it work, there's not much hope. Some people stay in toxic relationships because it's easier than breaking up - until it just gets unbearable. Don't do that to yourself or your partner. Decide if your relationship is worth the effort. If it is, commit to saving it. If not, move on.

2. What's the problem? You didn't get this way by accident. Something is "broken." Before you can fix the problem, you have to figure out what the problem actually is. This is where most couples get hung up. They often think the SYMPTOMS of the problem are the problem itself. If Adam really does avoid spending time with Debbie, that's not the problem. The problem is what's causing him to act that way. If Debbie really is insensitive to Adam's needs, there's something underlying that behavior - and THAT'S the problem. Affairs are a classic example of this. An affair, while very painful and damaging, isn't the problem. It's what led to the affair in the first place that has to be fixed. Don't just put a bandage on your relationship; dig deeper, identify the core issue and you are on your way to saving your relationship.

3. How does that make you feel? We've all seen psychiatrists on TV or in movies ask this question. And there's a good reason they do. Because in order to improve a situation, you have to get in touch with what's going on. And talking about it is a good way. So once you've taken the time and effort to identify the core issues in your relationship, you and your partner can begin to share your feelings. Guys, this is sometimes a tough one for you. But it's absolutely essential. Girls are usually much better at it. When you do talk, do it with complete attention. Look at each other. Block out other distractions (like cell phones, television, etc.) Really focus and LISTEN to what your partner is saying. Try not to be defensive. If they say something hurtful, it's just because they want you to HEAR - and they hope that, together, by understanding how they feel you can save the relationship.

4. So what are you going to do about it? If you're at this point, you've come a long way. You now understand what's going on and how each other feels. Now you have to actually do something about it. Together, create a plan for how to address the issues. Adam agrees to limit his time with friends to 2 days a week, instead of the 4 he used to spend - and spend that free time with Debbie. Debbie agrees to ask Adam how he feels and what HE wants in a given situation. Most important, you commit - absolutely PROMISE - that you will communicate with each other every day. Without communication you can never save your relationship.

5. Just do it. Not much to say here, except that you've agreed to a plan. Now do it!

6. Recognize that a great relationship is a lifelong project. The biggest mistake people make regarding relationships is that they believe they can set them on "autopilot." Things are good now, so we can just sit back and relax and let the relationship take care of itself. WRONG! A relationship is a living, growing, developing thing - like a pet, a plant or a child. It needs care and attention, every day. Understand that saving a relationship, and transforming it into a great one, is an ongoing process. There will be setbacks, disappointments - but if you do it right, many more times of great joy and happiness.

7. Always remember that your relationship's greatest threat might be YOU. Many things can destroy a relationship. But nothing even comes close to the two people in it. Admit when you're wrong. And accept the mistakes of your partner. Protect your relationship from the two people who can do it most harm.

Now, assuming your relationship actually IS worth saving, you have some work to do. Get to it!

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